Emergence
by Rochelle Templer
Summary: Set during the last episode of Enlightenment. The Doctor wins the race, but then has to face the dark truth behind Turlough's travels with him on the TARDIS.


Emergence

The Doctor stared down at the black hole in the floor. He knew that the Eternals would not have been affected by what just happened. At least, not very much. Being thrown into the void of space wouldn't be enough to kill one of them. They would simply phase from one existence to another.

It made what he had just done a little easier to cope with. What he and Turlough had just done….

The Doctor let out a long breath and studied the young man beside him. There had been a moment of concern, of doubt about what Turlough would do when Wrack ordered him to throw him into the void. Turlough's face had somehow been both inscrutable and yet obviously struggling with conflicting emotions.

The most prominent one being fear. Always fear.

Then Turlough's eyes locked onto his and the Doctor was certain that Turlough had made his decision. He was proven right about it when he saw Turlough grab Wrack and fling her into the open vacuum while he took care of Mandril.

It had been a narrow escape. One of the most precarious he had experienced in this incarnation.

It had also given him an unexpected opportunity.

"Quick, Turlough," he had all but shouted. "We've got to get to the bridge."

Turlough looked confused, but he dutifully ran alongside the Doctor toward the bridge. Along the way, Turlough had noted that the ship seemed strangely empty.

"The race is almost finished," the Doctor replied. "They don't need most of the crew anymore." The Doctor hoped that the Eternals returned the other crew members back to their rightful places in time and space, but did not count on it.

No…he couldn't focus on that right now. He must make sure that the Eternals did not get their prize.

Once they got to the bridge, the Doctor grabbed hold of the wheel, gazing at the view-screen in front of him while attempting to figure out how to control the ship's drift toward the harbor.

"Turlough, keep an eye on our speed and on the other ships," the Doctor ordered. "Make sure to keep me updated on the status of both until we've stopped."

"Why?" Turlough asked, his brows furrowed. "None of the ships have a chance of catching up with us. We're going to…."

"Just do as I say," the Doctor interrupted.

Turlough shrugged his shoulders and began reciting their speed from the dials next to him and occasionally mentioned the proximity of the other ships. The Doctor only partially listened to him.

He had a much bigger problem to sort out once the race was over.

The Doctor frowned. As the winner of the race, he would be the one offered Enlightenment. The question was, what should he do with it? Should it be used to end the threat of the Eternals? Of the Black Guardian? Or to ensure their freedom?

Or should he even accept it at all?

Turlough continued to keep him updated on the information he had demanded. By now, Turlough didn't seem to question what he was doing anymore. He simply did what he was told with a mindless devotion to his chore. The Doctor almost wanted to tell him to stop, but somewhere in the back of his mind, he could sense that it could be useful to be able to share the credit for winning the race. Even if Turlough's contribution was a small one.

As he watched the ship reach the docking port, the Doctor's mind drifted back to the problem at hand. He was relieved that the Eternals would not be allowed to gain additional powers to bring chaos onto the universe, but the Doctor was unsure if he was better suited to find a good use for Enlightenment.

' _It's not a power anyone in this universe should have,'_ the Doctor mused. _'Not even a well-meaning Time Lord.'_

"Doctor, I see the end of the docking platform," Turlough said.

The Doctor took a firmer hold of the wheel. He would have to be careful in these final moments. He did not want to be derailed by a possible disqualification for improperly finishing the race.

"Turlough, there should be some controls that will stop the drift of the ship," he said. "When you find them, activate them immediately."

There was silence for a few anxious seconds. "Wait…I see them," Turlough said. "Activating now."

The Doctor heard the blips of the circuits working and heaved a sigh of relief as the ship eased into a full stop against the docking platform.

Suddenly, there was a shudder as if the ship had run aground. Turlough looked at him, his expression a mix of startled and bemused.

"Yes, well, not a perfect landing," the Doctor said, his own expression rueful. "But I think it's close enough."

Turlough smirked and let out a small laugh, and the Doctor smiled back at him. It was obvious that Turlough had suffered the most during this whole affair, so it was good to see him smile, even if it was only for a moment.

"Right, now to receive our prize," the Doctor said, heading back toward the main corridor.

"Our prize?" Turlough echoed.

"Yes, Enligtenment. That was what the Eternals were after. I'm sure the Guardians are waiting to award the winner. Come along."

The Doctor strode out into the corridor with Turlough trudging behind him. It didn't take long for him to notice that Turlough's footfalls were growing slower and slower until they eventually ground to a halt. The Doctor paused and spun around to face him.

"Turlough?"

Turlough bowed his head down, his eyes focused on the floor. "You…you said that the Guardians will be there? The…the White Guardian?"

"Yes," the Doctor said, taking a step toward him. "And the Black Guardian as well, I imagine. Both of them would have a vested interest in the outcome of this race."

Turlough nodded, his hands fumbling with his shirt and tie. They were nervous hands. Unsure and unsteady.

"Come on," the Doctor repeated. "As the runner up, I am sure Striker and Mariner will come here. Probably to see if there will be some way they still might be able to claim victory. Hopefully, they'll bring Tegan along with them and we can…."

"I can't," Turlough interrupted, his voice barely above a whisper.

"Turlough, we've won the race and now we need to make sure that Striker doesn't…."

"I can't!" Turlough said louder and with an edge of hysteria. "I can't be there. You go. I'll just wait here and…."

"Turlough, I don't know what's going to happen when the Eternals realize that they've lost their chance at Enlightenment. Or for that matter, what the Guardians will do when they realize we've won. We may need to make a hasty exit. That's why I need you to come with me. So we can all get away quickly if it comes to that."

Turlough shook his head, still refusing to look the Doctor in the eye. "You don't understand. I can't go with you to meet the Guradians. He'll…I'll be killed."

"Killed?" the Doctor repeated. "Why? Why should the Guardians want you dead?"

Even as he said it, suspicions that he had formed ever since Turlough joined him in his travels began to come together and form a clear picture in the Doctor's head. Soon, the answers that had been lurking in the corners of his mind became clear to him.

"It's the Black Guardian, isn't it?" he continued. "Because you've been working for him."

Turlough flinched as if he had been struck, but did not say a word. Suddenly, all of the mishaps that they had experienced of late made sense: running across Mawdryn's ship, the forced semi-materialization on Terminus and the damage to the TARDIS' dimensional circuits. Little things that could have been ignored on their own were revealed to be part of a pattern of subterfuge and sabotage.

"And what was your mission?" the Doctor pressed on. "To interfere with my attempts to intervene for the people who needed our help? To find some way to permanently disable the TARDIS so I'd be stranded?"

None of these accusations seemed to register with Turlough which made the Doctor's suspicions turn even darker. "Or did he have something more final in mind? Oh…he sent you to kill me, didn't he?"

Turlough flinched again and cowered away from the Doctor, backing up against a nearby wall. The Doctor let out a long sigh, disheartened at how far Turlough's deception had gone.

"He…he said you were the most evil being in the universe," Turlough mumbled, a shiver working its way through his body. "He, he said that someone needed to stop you…that he couldn't do it himself…."

"Yes, I suppose to someone like him, I would be one of the worst evils of the universe," the Doctor sighed again. "Still hasn't gotten over losing the Key to Time, I see. Then again, I imagine most people would hold a grudge over losing the chance to control the entire universe."

"I, I just wanted to get away," Turlough continued. His voice trembled along with his hands and shoulders. "I couldn't take it anymore. I hated being trapped on Earth so much. He…he said he'd send me home. I…I just wanted to get away."

Turlough clutched the sides of his head, shudders wracking his entire body. The Doctor's hearts ached as he watched him and thought about how Turlough had jumped off Striker's ship and about the marks Tegan had found on his neck after they had found him unconscious in the corridor. Soon, his mind went further back, to moments like when they had found him in such a pitiful state when they were getting ready to leave Terminus.

All that suffering, all of that anguish…just because Turlough had longed to go home. All of it based on a lie from the Black Guardian.

Suddenly, Turlough's hands went limp and fell to his sides. He straightened up and looked at the Doctor with haunted eyes.

"All right," Turlough said quietly, his tone emotionless. "Let's go."

This was even more worrying to the Doctor than Turlough's outburst a few seconds ago. He was certain that he had done nothing to ease Turlough's fears about what could happen to him. Then it occurred to him that Turlough's fear had not abated at all. He simply no longer cared that he could be marching to his destruction. It made sense given how he had tried once, possibly more than once, to kill himself throughout this race. This would just take the burden of ending his life out of his hands.

The Doctor frowned. Whatever arrangement Turlough thought he had made with the Black Guardian, it was painfully apparent that it was devastating him. Not something that would have happened if Turlough had willingly entered into this contract with a clear mind. No, the Black Guardian had deceived him and had preyed on Turlough's vulnerability and desperation.

' _Because he is not evil,'_ the Doctor thought. ' _Despite what the Black Guardian tried to make him do. There is goodness and integrity in Turlough and that is what the Black Guardian lashed out against. Why he most likely tormented him.'_

"Turlough," he said, moving closer to him. "Whatever you did or didn't do, it's in the past. Now, we need to focus on taking care of the situation at hand."

"I understand," Turlough said in the same monotone voice. The Doctor reached over and gently clasped Turlough's arm.

"I shall deal with the Black Guardian," he said. "Better for you to stay out of it."

Turlough blinked in surprise. His lips moved, but no sound came out. The Doctor thought he might bolt, so he took hold of Turlough's other arm, gently rubbing each of them with his thumbs while making sure to keep his demeanor calm.

"Turlough, I promise, I won't let anything bad happen to you."

Fear and confusion were plain on Turlough's face, causing the Doctor's hearts to ache even more.

' _He doesn't understand. He doesn't understand why someone would forgive him for what he did. Why anyone would bother with protecting him. So used to having to think only of himself because no one else would. When was the last time anyone showed him basic compassion?'_

It was then that inspiration struck. About what to do with Enlightenment. Enlightenment might be Turlough's one chance to break free from the toxic hold the Black Guardian had over him. Granted, it was unlikely that either of the Guardians would allow a being like Turlough to gain the full power of Enlightenment.

But if he could be allowed to grasp even a portion of it….could it be enough?

The Doctor took a deep breath. What he was contemplating was perhaps the most dangerous move he had made since this whole incident had begun. If he allowed this to play out the way he figured it would, he would be placing his life in Turlough's hands. It was an enormous risk. Especially when he thought about the emotional instability Turlough had demonstrated of late.

A sliver of doubt when through him, and the Doctor wondered if he should go through with it after all.

Then he thought back to Turlough's time with him on the TARDIS. If Turlough had made a more serious attempt to kill him, he could have easily avoided all the suffering he had endured. Instead, he had allowed the Black Guardian to continue to abuse him just so he could avoid carrying out his task. It showed a strength of character that many others probably would miss seeing in Turlough. It also hinted at a possible affection that Turlough might have for him. An affection the Doctor still held for him despite these revelations.

Decision made, the Doctor tenderly squeezed Turlough's arms before letting him go. It might seem mad to most people to trust someone who had lied so many times, but the Doctor was certain that his instincts about Turlough had not failed him.

"Come on," he said softly. "Let's finish this. I'm sure Tegan will be relieved to see us."

Turlough nodded again and the two of them walked toward the chamber that the Doctor sensed the Guardians were waiting in. He could see a soft glow that he knew was from Enlightenment as they approached.

It was time for the darkness to end. For Turlough. For all of them.

It was time to return to the light.


End file.
